Marry Him_The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb

Author:Lori Gottlieb [Gottlieb, Lori]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Amazon: B005652CAA
Publisher: Text Publishing
Published: 2010-02-08T00:00:00+00:00

“HAPPY” DOESN’T MEAN “GAY”

How, I asked, could I know what the right target was? Wasn’t I supposed to use these profiles as screening devices? I couldn’t e-mail all ten thousand men on the site. I had to make assumptions based on what they wrote.

“Yes,” Evan said, “but often your assumptions are misconceptions. All guys who like bingo are grandpas. All guys who like books on tape don’t read actual books.

I knew that Evan was giving me good advice, but by now I was in a bad mood. It seemed so clear that I’d looked for the wrong things in a man when I was younger, and now, instead of being happily married to a good guy, I was spending my Monday lunch hour going through online profiles with a dating coach. I was tired of looking for The Guy and trying to figure out what it “meant” that he liked bingo or “read” books on tape. Trying to figure out what anything “meant” made me dizzy and depressed.

“See this guy?” I said to Evan, as I clicked on a profile. “This guy looks okay. But you know what? I remember him from ten years ago. What’s wrong with him? Why can’t he find a girlfriend? He’s been on this site for ten years.”

“So have you—just not every second for ten years,” Evan replied. “You’ve had three long-term relationships in that time, and come back twice after the breakups. Maybe he has, too. Maybe he just broke up with someone he’s dated for two years. You have to stop making these . . .”

“Assumptions!” I said. “I know.”

It did seem that a lot of my assumptions were off and I was going to have to keep them in check if I wanted to meet anyone. So I went to my hotlist to show Evan the men I’d seen some potential in. The first was a marketing guy who seemed smart and interesting and had a clever sense of humor. He had thinning salt-and-pepper hair and he was on the “wide” side. He definitely looked older than his stated age of 46. But a message popped up that he was no longer on the site. I couldn’t believe it.

“Even he’s gone!” I told Evan. “That’s amazing. He found someone!”

“Proof that some women are less judgmental than you are,” Evan said, hoping to make me laugh. “Or maybe he’s just taking a break because he’ll be traveling for three weeks.”

Evan clicked on another guy. “He seems interesting,” Evan said. He did, but his picture gave me pause.

“He looks gay, doesn’t he?” I asked.

“He looks happy!” Evan said.

“Yeah, but doesn’t he look gay?”

“With his daughter in his arms? Probably not.”

He looked totally gay to me. I don’t care if he’d been married and had a kid. Maybe he got divorced because his wife left him after she discovered he was gay.

“There you go making up these life stories based on nothing more than a profile,” Evan said. “Maybe he is gay—but nothing in his profile screams ‘gay’ to me.

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